There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
