Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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