I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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