If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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