I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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