when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
