After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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