I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
