put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
