She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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