Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
