STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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