Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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