Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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