It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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