The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize