to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
