apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
