Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
