i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
