wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
