If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
