my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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