First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I will be naked everywhere
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
