If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
