I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
