i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
