i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
