it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
