Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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