He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
