He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
