It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
