He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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