So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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