I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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