Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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