The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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