the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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