your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
