i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
