i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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