Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
