I skipped work to stalk him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
