Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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