when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Let's paint friendship bongs
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
