i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
