You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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