Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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