i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
