weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just come out here and I will go home with you...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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