My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
