what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
