Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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