Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
