I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
