I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
