The maid of honor just puked.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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