I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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