Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
worst night to have a conscience
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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