i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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