Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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