Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
