My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
