honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
