I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
