there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
