his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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