just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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