I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
