Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
